Some say laughter is the best medicine, so, on Sundays, we post some jokes to hopefully brighten your day. – Editorial Team
A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair
and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber
began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest,
firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen
knelt down and began to shine his shoes.
The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend
some time in a hotel room."
She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that.
The cowboy said, "Tell him your working overtime and I'll pay
you the difference."
She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."
On a very cold winter night, three homeless men huddled up close
to keep warm. In the morning, the guy on the right says, "I had a
dream that someone was pulling on my dick."
The guy on the left says, "I also had a dream that someone was pulling on my dick."
"The guy in the middle says, "I had a dream that I went skiing."
A divorced woman had been on her own for several months and was
starting to get extremely horny. She went to the grocery store and while
there starting eyeing the bag boy. On the way out to the car she decided to
make her move. Leaning over to the boy she whispered," You know, I've
got and itchy pussy...."
The boy replied, "Well you're gonna have to point it out, ma'am, all
those Japanese cars look alike to me!"
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big
Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My what big eyes you have, Mr Wolf", says Little Red Riding Hood.
The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red
Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time he is crouched behind a tree
stump.
"My what big ears you have, Mr Wolf", says Little Red Riding Hood.
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away. Some distance further down the
track Little Red Riding Hood again encounters the Big Bad Wolf, this time
crouched behind a road sign.
"My what big teeth you have, Mr Wolf", taunts Little Red Riding Hood.
With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams... "Will you fuck off,
I'm trying to take a shit !"
A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends
$5,000 and feels really great about the result. On his way home
he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to
the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you
think I am?" "About 35," was the reply.
"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.
After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order
taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh you look about 29".
"I am actually 47!" This makes him feel really good.
While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same
question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is
going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a
mans age. If I put my hand down your pants for ten minutes
I will be able to tell your exact age."
As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let
her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady
says, "OK, it's done. You are 47."
Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"
The old lady replies, "I was in line behind you at McDonalds."
The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than
faithful. He hired a private investigator to follow her and in
less than a week, had all the information that he needed on the "other man".
The husband convinced himself that his would still be a loving and trustworthy
marriage had not this S.O.B. come onto thescene. Being a man of the 90's and
all, he decided to handle the matter in what he judged to be sophisticated and
business-likemanner.
He sent the following e-mail to his wife's lover:
Sir
It has been brought to my attention that for some time now you have been
carrying on an affair with mywife. So that we may settle this matter in an
intelligent fashion, please be at my office at 3 PM on Friday next.
The "other man" was highly amused by the husband's formal manner and
sent off the following reply at once:
Dear Sir,
I have received a copy of your mass mailing this morning. You may be
advised that I will attend thescheduled conference in your Office's
auditorium.
A well respected Doctor and his wife were having drinks in the lobby of the
theater during the opening nite of a musical during intermission. A blonde
shimmied by that had to have had what there was of her evening gown spray
painted on her curvy body.She smiled and gushed, "Well, hello there Doc."
and kept right on going.
After a moment's pause, the good doctor looked at his wife and said, "Don't
worry dear, that's just a young lady I knowprofessionally."
Without missing a beat, his wife asked, "Hers or Yours ?"
Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife's beside. It was difficult to
hear her above the many life sustaining devices, as her voice was little more
than a hoarse whisper. "Bill darling," she breathed. "I've got a confession to
make before I go... I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in
the house ... I spent it on a fling with your best friend Jimmy. And it was I
who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I'm afraid
I also was the one who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion..."
"That's all right dearest; don't even give it a second thought." said Bill. "I
have a small confession too. I'm the onewho poisoned you."
Source: Jokes2Go