the letters LOL! over ocean sunrise

Sunday’s Jokes 2021-08-15


Some say laughter is the best medicine, so, on Sundays, we post some jokes to hopefully brighten your day. – Editorial Team


Waiter: "How did you find your steak, sir,"? 
Young Man: "Quite accidentally, I assure you. 
I moved that piece of lettuce and there it was." 

A lady went running to a doctor with a badly spoiled stomach.  
"What did you eat for dinner last night?" asked the doctor.
"Oysters," she said.
"Fresh oysters?" asked the doctor.
"How should I know?" said the lady
"Well," asked the doctor, "couldn't you tell when you took off the 
"My Gosh," gasped the lady.  "Are you supposed to take off the shells?"

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.
Mother: "What does the cow say?"
Child: "Moooo!"
Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"
Child: "Meow."
Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?" And this wide-eyed 
little three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied, "Bud."

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

Girlfriend Tech Support E-mail
I am currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been
having some problems lately.  I've been running the same version of
DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the
GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it.  I hear
that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode
and the sound is turned off.  But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find
the switch to turn the sound off.  I just run them separately, and it
works okay.

Girlfriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Fishing 97
program, often trying to abort Fishing 97 with some sort of timing
incompatibility. I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but
I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0.  After
months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had
experience with GirlFriend 2.0.  He said I probably didn't have enough
cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a Token
Ring to run properly.  He was right - as soon as I purged my cache, it
uninstalled itself.

Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta.  All the bugs were
supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus
anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while.  I
very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI
probe first and also installed a virus protection program.  It worked
okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still in my
system.  I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 still
installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about that
automatically senses the presence of any other version of GirlFriend and
communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal
of both versions.

The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some
problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some obscure
language I can't understand, much less reprogram.  Frankly I think there
is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired
functionality.  Also, to get the best connections with your hardware,
you usually have to use gold-plated contacts.  And I've never liked how
GirlFriend is totally "object-oriented."

A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to
GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of
GirlFriend.  He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year
if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0.  So he did, but soon after that, he
had to upgrade to Wife 1.0 which he describes as a huge resource hog.
It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else.  One of
the primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it came
bundled with FreeSexPlus.  Well, it turns out the resource allocation
module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus,
particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try.  On top of that, Wife
1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do
anything.  Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with
MotherInLaw which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off.  I
told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if you try
to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete
MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself.  Then Mistress 1.0
won't install anyway because of insufficient resources.

Any Ideas???

A man goes to his doctor for his annual physical complaining of all 
kinds of mysterious ailments -- lack of sleep, no drive, very little 
appetite, nervous, etc. After a complete exam, the doctor can find 
nothing physically wrong and suspects the man is suffering from 
depression. The two had been friends for many years, so the doctor
did not hesitate to ask the man about his personal life.

"Well, if you must know," said the patient, "I cannot stand my wife. 
She's made my life unbearable. I fantasize all the time about killing 
that damn witch. In fact, if you are truly my friend, you'll give me 
some kind of untraceable poison to give her, so I may end my misery."

The doctor explained that not only was that illegal, it would in fact, 
violate his oath to save lives. He said, "Besides, you'll get life in 
prison yourself, at best. I'll tell ya what though, I can give you this 
powerful aphrodisiac to slip into her coffee. You can then 'love her 
to death'. No jury in the world is going to convict a man for loving his 
wife too much. She'll be gone in a month at best."

The man blessed the doctor, went home and started putting the love elixir 
in his wife's coffee the very next morning. Three weeks later, the 
doctor hasn't heard a word from his friend, and becomes concerned. 
After office hours, he stops by his friend's house to see if all is well. 
He finds his friend sitting on the sun deck, wrapped in a blanket, even 
though it's a warm Spring day.The man's face was gaunt and pale, he'd 
lost Lord knows how much weight,and looked terrible. The doctor asked, 
"Whatthe Hell happened ???"

The man said, "I followed your advice to the letter. That woman and I 
made love like a pair of crazed rabbits, day and nite." Then, he 
chuckled, causing a terrible wheeze. Just then the wife appeared 
from inside the house. All slim and trim and dressed in tennis clothes; 
smiling, she said she was off for a few sets of tennis. As she leaped 
into her new sports car, her husband cackled and said to the doctor, 
"Look at that dumb crazy bitch. She hasn't a lick of sense. If she only 
knew she has less than a week to live she wouldn't be so God damn frisky." 

Source: Jokes2Go


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